Unhustling When You Can't Quit

Practical Strategies for Those Who Can't Leave Toxic Workplaces Yet

“The secret of change is to focus all of your energy not on fighting the old, but on building the new.”
— Socrates

Disclaimer: This email is a bit longer than usual, but if you are currently in a job that you hate or in a toxic work environment, it will provide ideas and tiny experiments to try to reclaim your sanity.

But first, BIG NEWS:

WORLD UNHUSTLE DAY IS SET FOR DEC 4, 2025.

MARK YOUR CALENDAR. Full details coming in the next email.

Now, let’s talk about:

Practical Strategies for Those Who Can’t Leave Toxic Workplaces Yet

2010, Incline Village, Lake Tahoe, 2:43 a.m.

The blue light from my laptop casts an eerie glow across my face as I stare at the ceiling of my room. I should be sleeping, but instead, I’m answering emails that could wait until morning.

Tomorrow—technically today—I have a presentation for a client who’s known for belittling anyone who doesn’t meet his impossible expectations. My boss has made it clear: we can’t lose this account. My family depends on this income. My health insurance is tied to this job. My mortgage payment is due next week.

I’ve fantasized about quitting dramatically—packing up my desk while everyone watches, delivering a speech that would make them finally understand what they’ve put me through. But the reality is much more complicated.

I can’t quit.
Not yet.

And if you’re reading this chapter, maybe you can’t either.

You’re not alone. More than 75% of people are currently job-hugging, staying at a job for the security a paycheck offers. The economy is crazy, the job market is tough, and AI is threatening to take over millions of jobs.

Working crazy hours is part of the norm these days. Especially in tech. Silicon Valley's new motto is 996 - 9 a.m. to 9 p.m., six days a week. A deadly trend that started in China is now in the US. Hustle Culture is alive and well but the sacrifices are life, wellbeing, relationships, time.

Maybe you’re a single parent who needs stable income and benefits. Maybe you’re paying off medical debt or student loans. Maybe you’re supporting aging parents. Maybe you’re building experience in your field. Maybe you’re waiting for your stock options to vest or your bonus to arrive.

Whatever your reason, you’re not alone. And you’re not weak for staying.

The myth that we can all just “follow our bliss” and walk away from toxic work is a privileged narrative that ignores economic reality. For many of us, quitting isn’t a simple choice—it’s a calculated risk we can’t afford to take right now.

But here’s what I’ve learned: You don’t have to wait until you can quit to start unhustling.

In fact, the most powerful unhustling often happens within constraints. When we can’t change our external circumstances immediately, we can still transform our internal landscape.

This newsletter is about surviving with your soul intact while you prepare for what comes next. It’s about carving out psychological safety when physical safety isn’t guaranteed. It’s about reclaiming your humanity in small but significant ways while you build your exit strategy.

Because the truth is, the most important boundary isn’t the one between you and your toxic workplace.

It’s the boundary between your work and your sense of self.

The Reality of Staying (For Now)

When I speak about unhustling, the most common pushback I hear is: “That’s nice for you, Milena, but I’m just not in a position to do so.”

I get it. But that’s because most people don’t understand that unhustling is a mindset and behavior that can be done while you work. Especially then. Read this again. And I’m not talking having some $1mil+ a year job.

The 2025 Monster workplace study wasn’t exaggerating—80% of workers describe their workplace as toxic and it hurts their mental health. That’s not a few bad apples. That’s an orchard growing poison.

Let’s be honest about what we’re dealing with:

• Managers who text at 11 p.m. expecting immediate responses

• Cultures where taking a lunch break is seen as “not being a team player”

• Expectations to be “always on” even during vacations and weekends

• Gaslighting when you express concerns about workload or stress

• Passive-aggressive comments when you leave “early” (at 6 p.m.)

• Meetings scheduled during family dinner time with no consideration

These behaviors aren’t just annoying—they’re harmful. They’re designed to extract maximum value from you with minimal regard for your humanity.

And in today’s economy, with AI replacing jobs, layoffs happening daily, and hiring freezes across industries, the power dynamic feels increasingly one-sided. The fear is real, and sometimes staying is the most responsible choice you can make.

But staying doesn’t mean surrendering completely.

The Hidden Cost of Compliance

When Eric joined my Unhustle workshop, he was a senior developer at a prestigious tech company. On paper, he had it all—six-figure salary, impressive title, work that challenged him intellectually.

But every Sunday night, he got physically ill thinking about Monday morning.

“I keep telling myself it’s just until the next promotion,” he told me. “Just until we buy a house. Just until the kids are in college.”

When I asked him how long he’d been saying that, he paused.

“Seven years,” he finally admitted.

The hidden cost of his compliance wasn’t just the Sunday night anxiety. It was the gradual dimming of who he was. The slow surrendering of his boundaries. The way he’d stopped playing guitar, stopped meeting friends for dinner, stopped being fully present with his family.

He wasn’t just sacrificing time. He was sacrificing himself.

This is the true danger of toxic work environments—not just that they demand too much of our time, but that they gradually convince us to betray our own values, needs, and sense of self.

The longer we stay without protective practices, the more we internalize the toxic messages. We begin to believe that our worth is tied to our productivity. That we’re selfish for wanting basic boundaries. That exhaustion is the price of security.

These beliefs don’t stay at work. They follow us home. They infiltrate our relationships. They reshape how we see ourselves.

This is why unhustling when you can’t quit isn’t a luxury—it’s a necessity for psychological survival.

The Unhustle Sanctuary Method

When you can’t change your environment, you need to create a sanctuary within it. A protected space—both physical and psychological—where toxic messages can’t penetrate.

This is what I call the Unhustle Sanctuary Method. It consists of three layers of protection:

1. Internal Boundaries (protecting your sense of self)

2. Tactical Workarounds (protecting your energy)

3. External Supports (protecting your future)

Let’s examine each layer.

Layer 1: Internal Boundaries - Protecting Your Sense of Self

The most important boundary isn’t between you and your boss. It’s between your work identity and your core self.

Practice: The Identity Shield

Every morning before work, take three minutes to consciously put on your “work persona” like a protective suit. Remind yourself: This is a role I play, not who I am.

Maya, a customer service manager, visualizes putting on armor before logging in each day. “The comments that used to cut me to the core now hit the armor instead,” she told me. “I can see them for what they are—about the role, not about me.” She lets them bounce off the armor.

At the end of each day, consciously take off this persona. You might even create a physical ritual—changing clothes, washing your hands, drinking tea, or stepping outside for fresh air—to mark the transition.

Practice: The Values Anchor

Identify three core values that define who you are outside of work. Write them on a small card you keep in your wallet or as a note on your phone.

When toxic messaging threatens to overwhelm you, quietly touch this reminder. Let it anchor you to what’s true about you, regardless of what your workplace claims.

James, a healthcare administrator, kept “Creativity, Compassion, Family” written inside his notebook. “When my boss implied I wasn’t committed enough because I wouldn’t cancel my son’s birthday for an emergency meeting, I touched that note and remembered what actually matters.”

Practice: The Alternate Metric

Toxic workplaces measure success by impossible standards—never enough hours, never enough output, never enough sacrifice.

Create your own private metric of success that has nothing to do with external validation. Maybe it’s maintaining calm during a difficult meeting. Maybe it’s helping a coworker who’s struggling. Maybe it’s leaving work thoughts at work.

Celebrate meeting your own standards, even when the official metrics say you’re falling short.

Layer 2: Tactical Workarounds - Protecting Your Energy

You may not be able to change the demands, but you can change how you respond to them.

Practice: Micro-Recoveries

You may not be able to take a vacation, but you can take micro-recoveries throughout your day:

• 60-second breathing breaks between meetings

• 5-minute walks outside during lunch

• 30 seconds of stretching each hour

• 2 minutes of meditation in a bathroom stall when overwhelmed

These small pauses aren’t enough to fully recover from a toxic environment, but they create tiny spaces where you can remember your humanity.

Practice: Digital Boundaries When Physical Ones Aren’t Possible

You may not be able to say no to late-night emails, but you can create technical workarounds:

• Schedule emails to arrive during business hours

• Use “batching” to check messages at set times

• Create email templates for common requests to save energy

• Use app blockers on your personal devices during off hours

Elena, a consultant, couldn’t avoid client messages but set up an automatic forwarding system that collected them in a separate folder she checked at 9 a.m. and 4 p.m. “They still get responses within 24 hours, but I’m not interrupted every five minutes.”

Layer 3: External Supports - Protecting Your Future

The final layer involves building resources outside your toxic workplace that will eventually enable you to leave.

Practice: The Freedom Fund

Even if it’s just $10 a week, start building financial resources that aren’t tied to your current job. This isn’t just practical preparation—it’s psychological freedom. Knowing you’re actively building an alternative creates hope.

Practice: The Skills Garden

Identify transferable skills you’re gaining in your current role, even if the environment is toxic. Then, deliberately cultivate additional skills that would be valuable in a healthier workplace.

This might mean taking online courses, volunteering for projects that build specific abilities, or finding a mentor outside your organization.

Damon, a paralegal in a high-pressure law firm, volunteered to manage the firm’s social media—not because he wanted more work, but because he was building marketable skills for his eventual move to a communications role.

Practice: The Support Network

Build connections with people who see your full humanity—not just your work identity. This might include:

• A therapist who helps you process workplace stress

• Friends in different industries who offer perspective

• Professional networks that could lead to future opportunities

• Former colleagues who’ve successfully moved on

These relationships are oxygen when you’re underwater. They remind you that alternatives exist and help you see possibilities you might miss when surrounded by toxicity.

Navigating Common Challenges

Challenge 1: The Guilt Trap

Many toxic workplaces use guilt to maintain control. You might hear:

• “We’re like family here”

• “Everyone else is willing to make sacrifices”

• “The team is counting on you”

Unhustle Strategy: The Reality Check

When guilt surfaces, ask yourself three questions:

1. Would they feel guilty about letting me go if it served their bottom line?

2. Is this request aligned with my job description and compensation?

3. Would I advise someone I love to say yes to this?

These questions help separate legitimate responsibility from manufactured guilt.

Challenge 2: The Gaslighting Experience

Toxic environments often make you question your own reality:

• “You’re too sensitive”

• “No one else has complained”

• “That’s just how it is in this industry”

Unhustle Strategy: External Validation

Keep a private record of incidents that felt wrong. Share them with trusted friends outside your workplace. Sometimes just hearing “That’s not okay” from someone you respect can be powerful validation.

Sarah, an account manager, kept a simple document where she noted interactions that made her uncomfortable. “Reading it back months later was eye-opening. I wasn’t imagining things—there was a clear pattern I couldn’t see when I was in the middle of it.”

Challenge 3: The “Not Now” Loop

It’s easy to keep postponing your exit:

• “After this project...”

• “After bonus season...”

• “When the economy improves...”

Unhustle Strategy: The Timeline Commitment

Set a specific date—six months, one year, eighteen months from now—when you’ll reassess whether staying is still the right choice. Mark it on your calendar. Tell someone you trust about this commitment.

This breaks the endless “not now” cycle and ensures you don’t wake up seven years later still saying “just a little longer.”

Knowing When It’s Time to Leave (No Matter What)

While this email acknowledges the reality that sometimes we need to stay in difficult situations temporarily, there are circumstances when leaving becomes the only viable unhustle strategy—regardless of the financial implications.

You should consider immediate exit if:

1. The environment is causing severe health consequences (panic attacks, clinical depression, stress-related physical illness)

2. You’re being asked to violate your core ethical principles

3. You’re experiencing harassment or discrimination that creates a hostile work environment

4. You find yourself contemplating self-harm or having suicidal thoughts related to work stress

In these situations, the cost of staying—even temporarily—is simply too high. Your life and fundamental wellbeing must take precedence.

If you’re facing these severe circumstances but truly cannot leave immediately:

1. Seek professional mental health support specifically focused on workplace trauma

2. Consult with an employment attorney about your legal rights and options

3. Explore medical leave or accommodations that might create distance

4. Consider whether a lateral move within the organization might provide temporary relief

5. Be honest with loved ones about what you’re experiencing so they can provide support

Remember: No job is worth your life or your fundamental wellbeing. Period.

Building Your Exit Strategy While Preserving Your Humanity

For most people reading this, the goal isn’t to stay indefinitely in a toxic workplace. It’s to survive with your soul intact while building toward something better.

Here’s a practical framework for doing both simultaneously:

The Parallel Path Approach

Step 1: Define Your Non-Negotiables
What aspects of your humanity will you protect no matter what? This might include:

• Minimum sleep requirements

• Time with loved ones

• Core health practices

• Ethical boundaries

Write these down and review them weekly. These are the lines you won’t cross, even if it means consequences at work.

Step 2: Create Your Stealth Preparation Plan
Map out the specific resources you need to exit safely:

• Financial runway (calculate the exact figure)

• Skills development (identify specific skills and how/when you’ll acquire them)

• Network building (set concrete goals for connections per month)

• Job search infrastructure (resume, portfolio, references)

For each element, establish clear milestones with dates. This transforms a vague “someday” into a concrete plan.

Step 3: Find the Hidden Growth
Even in toxic environments, opportunities for meaningful growth exist. Identify specific experiences in your current role that:

• Build valuable skills

• Connect you with helpful people

• Test your resilience in ways that make you stronger

• Clarify what you do and don’t want in future work

Consciously focusing on these elements helps extract value from a difficult situation while maintaining your sense of agency.

Step 4: Create Weekly Micro-Liberation Rituals
Small acts of reclaiming your time and energy can sustain you through difficult periods:

• A weekly “airplane mode” evening where work can’t reach you

• A monthly adventure that reminds you life exists beyond work

• A daily gratitude practice focused on non-work elements of your life

These aren’t just self-care—they’re acts of resistance against a culture that wants to own your entire existence.

The Courage to Stay (For Now)

There’s a peculiar kind of courage required to stay in a difficult situation while maintaining your humanity. It’s not the dramatic courage of walking away that we celebrate in movies. It’s the quiet courage of protecting what matters most while navigating imperfect realities.

When Amara joined my workshop, she was six months into a job at a prestigious financial firm. The culture was brutal—60-hour weeks were considered “light,” managers publicly shamed analysts for mistakes, and taking time off was career suicide.

“I feel like a sellout for not quitting,” she confessed. “But I have $87,000 in student loans, and this job pays more than double what I could make elsewhere right now.”

Amara wasn’t a sellout. She was making a strategic choice to address a specific financial reality. But she was also implementing unhustle practices that protected her core self:

• She maintained strict boundaries around Sunday family time

• She connected with a therapist who specialized in workplace stress

• She built relationships with colleagues who shared her values

• She documented toxic behaviors for future reference

• She set a specific 18-month timeline for her exit

• She contributed to a “freedom fund” with every paycheck

Two years later, Amara had paid off $65,000 of her debt and transitioned to a role at a smaller firm with a healthier culture. The unhustle practices she developed during that difficult period became the foundation for how she approaches work in her new environment.

“I don’t regret staying those extra months,” she told me. “I regret that I initially thought my only options were complete surrender or immediate escape. Once I found that middle path—strategic patience with fierce self-protection—everything changed.”

The Third Path: Strategic Patience with Fierce Self-Protection

This is the essence of unhustling when you can’t quit: finding the third path between complete surrender and immediate escape.

It means acknowledging economic realities without abandoning your humanity. It means building toward something better while protecting what matters most right now.

This path requires both patience and fierceness. The patience to recognize that some transitions take time. The fierceness to protect your core self even when external circumstances aren’t ideal.

You may not be able to unhustle your workplace tomorrow. But you can start unhustling yourself today.

And that’s no small thing. In fact, it might be everything.

In a world that often presents false binaries—quit or surrender, fight or flee—unhustling offers a third path. Not passive acceptance, not dramatic exit, but strategic navigation with fierce self-protection.

This path requires courage. Not the flashy courage of grand gestures, but the quiet courage of daily choices. The courage to say “This situation is temporary, but I am not.” The courage to protect what matters most while building toward something better.

If you’re in a toxic workplace right now and can’t leave yet, know this: You are not trapped forever. You are not defined by where you work. And you are not alone in this experience.

The small acts of unhustling you practice today—the boundaries you maintain, the self-compassion you cultivate, the future you quietly build—these are acts of revolution in a world that wants to reduce you to your productivity.

These practices won’t just help you survive until you can leave. They’ll help you remember who you are beyond your job title. They’ll help you protect the parts of yourself that make life worth living. And they’ll become the foundation for how you approach work in healthier environments when you eventually move on.

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P.S. I’m launching a new women-only cohort, Harmonia, starting Jan 15th. Learn more and apply.

P.P.S. Mark your calendar for World Unhustle Day, Dec 4th.