Unhustle Origin Story, 10 Journal Prompts, and The Unlearn and Relearn Framework
My Own Wild Ride from Overworked to Overjoyed
The Background Story:
I was on a plane ride somewhere between Toronto and Reno, 30,000 feet up, when I felt a big, heavy lump in my stomach. Something wasn't right.
I was returning from the grand opening of Hard Candy Fitness Club, Madonna's latest venture that was taking the world by storm.
It's taken me from Sydney to Toronto, marking a high point in my marketing career.
But instead of feeling happy and satisfied, I felt deep emptiness.
I was doing more and more but having less and less.
I felt caught in a cycle. A cycle of perpetual busyness. Feeling unease, stressed, and unwell. I had to ask myself: "Is this all there is? How do I have a life, if all I do is work?"
I was tired. Sleep deprived. Lonely.
Without the distractions of my phone, I pulled the napkin tucked under my gingerade, flipped it over, and on the back of it, I drew my Life Dashboard, something I had seen in a book. In the hum of the low-lit cabin, I put down five words.
Work, Money, Love, Health, and Play.
I gave each a percentage.
Work - 100%
I am a go-getter - from starting my first business at 17 to coming to the US, all alone, with two bags of clothes to make a better life through hard work, grit, and perseverance. I've worked hard all my life. The club's motto, "Harder is better," has been my motto all my life.
I'm grateful for what I have achieved in life, and it's all thanks to my parents, who believed in education, sold their house, and gave me all the money, $11,431, to come to the United States in pursuit of the American Dream.
I didn't want to disappoint them or myself. Hard work is how you achieve something in life. I've been working hard and creating a vision of success that looks good from the outside. On the inside, it was a different story.
Money - 75%.
I'm not getting rich by putting in one 15-hour day after another, but I have enough to get by.
I have a little house in Lake Tahoe, a fast Mini, and all the toys one needs for living a good Tahoe lifestyle. I'm buying too many shoes, jeans, and perfumes to make myself happier, slowly discovering that the joy is short-lived.
Love. That's a hard one. I give Love 0%
I've been working nights and weekends. The only night I give myself off work is Friday night.
My Aussie husband and I BBQ some chicken, and we cuddle on the couch to watch Netflix. I usually fall asleep halfway through the movie.
The next day is Saturday. And I'm back to work.
My friends are busy, too, juggling work, family, and life. When they ask me to go mountain biking, hang out on the beach, or see music on the weekend, I tell them I have too much to do. One rain check after another, eventually, they stop calling.
Health 0%. Again.
I'm surviving on coffee, bacon, smoothies, and wine. I've been running from one doctor to another trying to diagnose depleted adrenals, thyroid issues, chronic digestive problems, or some other symptom that most people get in their 80s.
My mom passed away from ovarian cancer at 52, so I want to take better care of my body, but I'm busy. I put work before wellbeing over and over again.
Play 0%
It could be in the negative. Gone are the days when I used to paint after work, play bachhis' with the neighbors, or play a game of ping pong with my husband in the local gym.
I don't give myself permission to play, stop, or slow down.
I stare at these percentages for the rest of the flight. Every percentage on my Life Dashboard was a stark reminder that in the arithmetic of life, when work equals 100%, everything else diminishes to zero.
I learned that the hardest thing about the hustle isn't the long hours or the steep climb, but the parts of yourself you leave behind along the way.
In the quiet moments above the clouds, I realized that success isn't measured by the heights we reach but by the balance we maintain. In the pursuit of my dreams, I had become a stranger to the very life I was dreaming of.
For most people, entrepreneurship is a way up. For me, it was a way out.
Just three years ago, I had my dream job as the marketing director for a ski resort.
It combined my passion for marketing with my love for skiing.
It was perfect. Except that, I was a woman in a male industry.
I had to prove myself. I was constantly pushing beyond my limits to show my worth, often being the only woman in the room. This relentless drive led to a cycle of endless workdays and mounting pressure, culminating in an overwhelming sense of burnout that shadowed even my brightest achievements.
A decade into my job, I found myself at a crossroads.
I'll never forget sitting on the couch in the psychiatrist's office, looking out the window to the tall pine trees, thinking, "What am I doing here?"
The therapist had to prove that work had become toxic and that showing up to public meetings wasn't good for my mental health.
It was easy to prove.
I had anxiety most nights.
I was biting my nails.
I was snapping at my coworkers for no apparent reason.
I had lost weight.
All I wanted to do was the job I loved, but instead, I was buried in emails, meetings before and after the meetings, and endless paperwork.
Despite all the revenue-breaking records and marketing awards, I felt undervalued, unsupported, underpaid, and unsafe.
I had to make a choice. Stay in a toxic work environment, or move on. Without autonomy, trust, and agency, and being a rebel, I decided to quit.
I bet on myself to create a life on my terms, doing what I love.
I started my marketing agency drinking the Kool-Aid that people like Gary Vaynerchuk, the godfather of Hustle Culture, were sharing on social media: "Hustle is the most important word ever."
But instead of reclaiming my freedom, sanity, and creativity, which I desperately wanted, I became a slave to my business. My own worst boss.
It just wasn't sustainable.
It wasn't the corporate hustle.
It wasn't the entrepreneurial hustle.
It was simply the hustle.
In those moments of feeling no energy, brain fog, and feeling miserable, I realized I was suffering from a hangover.
A Hustle Hangover.
I wasn't broken. Work is broken.
Burnout is a worldwide problem.
According to Deloitte's survey, 91 percent say having an unmanageable amount of stress or frustration negatively impacts the quality of their work.
It wasn't always like that.
I used to work hard, but I also had a life.
Somehow, things changed. Our lives are different than 20 years ago. Technology, smartphones, social media, the pandemic, and AI have transformed our existence. We can work from the beach, but we're increasingly disconnected from ourselves and each other.
But instead of being able to have lunch with colleagues, dinner with friends, and mornings to work out, I found myself increasingly attached to my iPhone and emails.
I realized that what I wanted wasn't more external success and short-lived dopamine but to feel alive, to be human again. I wanted to pursue big business goals with freedom, creativity, and ease.
I realized that "hustle harder" is the worst possible advice we can give and receive. Hard work is noble. Hard work is how we get ahead. But our addiction to productivity, "always on," always doing, leads us to burnout, feeling overwhelmed, stretched too thin, and lacking fulfillment.
I went on a journey to "better myself." I spent thousands of dollars.
I tried various things in an attempt to 'fix" my problem.
Coaching - while it helped, it still leaned into doing more with less.
Time productivity hacks - only so much you can fit in a day.
Yoga - while it connected my mind and body and improved my flexibility, it didn't help my quest for more space.
Two weeks of vacation - only to to return to an inbox full of emails and more things to do.
Self-help books and podcasts - too many to list here, but again, it was more information and knowledge I already knew and more action needed to make any change that stuck.
Spiritual journey - helpful, but left me with more questions than answers. It made me realize that combining spirituality with business can work for some but not for others who need a less "woo-woo" approach.
In the end, while some of these solutions offered some relief, none provided a long-term, sustainable solution.
The moment I realized I was a rebel without a pause, I knew it was time to find my pause.
In 2018, I created the Unhustle retreats. Our first one in Lake Tahoe was magical. Disconnected from their phones, people found clarity - pivoting careers, discovering new passions, and doing things differently.
That's where I met Amy. A highly ambitious go-getter, she had achieved a level of success many would envy. But deep inside, she felt like something was missing. She had delivered a TED talk and was leading a technology team. Married, with kids growing up, Amy wanted more time to herself. After four days of spending time together, she committed to making some small changes - realigning with her values, spending the days with mindful movement, challenging her fear with cold water, and exploring who he is in the core. “A very special event, finding my tribe.”
After six months, we touched base. She told me it was the best thing she's done all her life.
And then, there was Ana - a high-level dreamer and visionary who wanted a different path forward, but instead of just walking away with skills and tools, she found so much more - a whole new community.
Tech leaders understand the power of taking time away from technology.
Bill Gates: The co-founder of Microsoft is famous for his "Think Weeks." Twice a year, Gates spends a week in a secluded cabin, disconnecting from daily business activities and focusing on reading and thinking about future trends and ideas. This practice helps him to gain new perspectives and make strategic decisions for his ventures.
Jack Dorsey: The co-founder of Twitter and Square, Dorsey has been known to attend silent meditation retreats. These retreats often include periods without access to technology, allowing him to focus on meditation and self-reflection.
Jeff Weiner: The former CEO of LinkedIn regularly scheduled time for "compassionate management," which included blocks of unscheduled time in his calendar. This practice allowed him to think strategically, coach employees, and handle unforeseen problems more effectively.
Tim Cook: The CEO of Apple is known for prioritizing personal fitness and has spoken about the importance of exercising and unwinding. Cook believes that staying physically and mentally fit is crucial for maintaining the stamina required for leadership.
Ed Catmull: The co-founder of Pixar Animation Studios, Catmull has discussed the importance of taking breaks from technology. He believes in the power of unplugging to foster creativity and clear thinking.
Gwyneth Paltrow: The actress and founder of Goop, Paltrow, has shared her experiences with digital detoxes, emphasizing the importance of disconnecting from technology to reconnect with oneself and one's surroundings.
Before the pandemic, I realized that the Unhustle mission resonates with people worldwide. Being an early adopter of online marketing, I decided to turn the focus to having a digital experience.
I did 1:1 coaching. Workshops. Group programs. Company trainings. Speaking.
So many people report these programs have changed their lives.
"Milena is an alchemist! Guiding me to see future scenarios, then mirroring back my inner clarity ... dispelling a constellation of distractions, old beliefs & uncertainty. With true inner knowing, the next steps revealed themselves with synchronicity & flow. Her rebellious, optimistic spirit & business expertise helped me take the right action & open new conversations; super grateful!" - Dana Anton, Business Consultant & Creator of Better World Solutions.
This may seem like a big statement, but Milena changed my life, and I've never even met her in person (though I would like to someday). Pre-2020, I had a job that I loved - traveling all over the US and globally, visiting clients, and attending conferences. When the pandemic hit, it all came crashing down, and I was thrust into burnout. To form some sense of connection, I signed up for the Wisdom 2.0 virtual conference in 2021, where I heard Milena speak about the whole concept of un-hustling. She made it remarkably clear - we can work, be successful, make a living, AND take care of our wellbeing. As someone trained to always be 'on,' it was the message I needed to hear. Her presentation catalyzed me to start setting boundaries and taking better care of myself. I am immensely grateful that she came into my life when she did. - Jen Jortner Cassidy
Milena has a perspective on life, freedom, adventure, and business unlike any I've experienced. She simultaneously thinks & operates on the big picture and the day-to-day all at once, with a simplicity in strategy I've rarely seen. If you want to uncomplicate your life & business, Milena can help. - Wade Galt
But the truth is, I wanted that special magic, tribe and in-person connection again. I wanted a real community that gathers to create magic together.
Change Your Habitat, Change Your Habits.
Photo by Marcus Woodbridge on Unsplash
I'll always remember our first visit to Baja California Sur. It was a 10-day digital detox trip by default, not by design. I swam in the ocean with the colorful fish, walked barefoot on the beach, learned to kiteboard, had deep, real-life human conversations, and spent time alone with my thoughts and feelings.
In this deliberate pause, I rediscovered myself. I connected with the wisdom in my body. I saw that what I needed was right in front of me. Martial arts warriors know when to exert and when to pull back. This aligned action creates the most impact.
In Baja California Sur, amidst the raw beauty of nature, each day unfolded like a healing balm for my weary soul. I felt the warm sand between my toes, heard the soothing rhythm of the waves, and watched the sky painted in orange and pink hues at sunset. Kiteboarding became not just a sport but a dance with the wind, a physical manifestation of my newfound freedom. Each deep, real-life conversation peeled back layers of my built-up persona, revealing the authentic me. Alone with my thoughts, I rediscovered forgotten dreams and passions. This deliberate pause wasn't just a break from routine; it was a journey back to myself, a reawakening of my senses and spirit.
Disconnected from the noise, I reconnected with who I am at the core - my values, essence, and heart. Within days, the brain fog disappeared, and I found clarity. Amidst the waves and winds of Baja, I didn't just find a break from life; I found my way back to it.
In that moment of serene disconnection, I found a profound truth: the path to genuine fulfillment lies not in chasing the endless hustle but embracing the art of 'unhustling,' in reclaiming the space to breathe, feel, and be truly present in our lives.
Instead of doing more, being more. When we do less, we can feel and experience more.
We need more space, quiet pockets of time, focus on living, and more emphasis on "whole life" instead of a single-minded focus on work achievements alone. There's a rhythm in nature that soothes the busiest mind; in Baja, I danced to it for the first time in years.
Reflect for a moment:
In pursuing success, have you forgotten the joy of living? Imagine a life where each day is about more than work - where you're deeply connected to your passions, your loved ones, and yourself. What steps can you take today to transform that vision into your reality?
The Power of The Pause.
The answer is not how to hustle better but how to unhustle to reclaim our attention, creativity, and self-awareness. Many highly successful people know this already.
Richard Branson: The founder of the Virgin Group is known for his adventurous lifestyle and for taking significant time off. Branson believes that taking breaks, having fun, and enjoying life are essential for creativity and successful leadership.
Oprah Winfrey: As a media mogul and philanthropist, Oprah has often discussed the importance of finding time for oneself. She emphasizes meditation, reflection, and moments of stillness to recharge and gain clarity.
Indra Nooyi: The former CEO of PepsiCo, Nooyi, has been vocal about the importance of work-life balance. She often spoke about managing her demanding role while being present for her family and caring for her wellbeing.
Emma Walmsley: As the CEO of GlaxoSmithKline, one of the world's leading pharmaceutical companies, Walmsley emphasizes the importance of taking time off for personal health and family. She believes that a balanced life is vital to sustaining long-term leadership effectiveness.
In a world of hustling, unhustling is a superpower.
Unhustling isn't about doing less; it's about being more – more present, more alive, more connected.
Ancient wisdom knows the value of reflection, introspection, and time off.
Modern science supports that time off contributes to creativity, productivity, and focus.
Research and countless studies show that our brains need time away from the constant activity - time to reset, daydream, imagine, and connect the dots.
Defining the right kind of busyness for yourself - not the one that leaves you exhausted and depleted, but the one that leaves you energized, joyful, and fulfilled— is the key to living fully. Find that white space on the calendar. Take deliberate time off.
When we dare to disconnect, we finally start to truly connect – with ourselves, with others, with the world.
The Unhustle methodology is based on part ancient wisdom, part cutting-edge science, and part lived experience. It draws on teachings from Stanford, Yale, and Harvard. But you create the magic in the right environment, with moments of awe, finding flow, and building collective effervescence.
If you want to try this alone, use the following 10 Journal Prompts and the Unlearn and Relearn framework below.
10 Journal Prompts To Find Harmony Among the Hustle
Pause and ask yourself: When was the last time you felt truly alive, not just busy? Is your life reflecting your deepest values and joys?
Consider this: Are you living a life of meaningful actions, or are you caught in the endless cycle of busyness? What does 'unhustling' mean to you?
Imagine a day where your time is entirely your own. What would you do? How different would that day look compared to your current routine?
How much of your life is being spent on autopilot? Take a moment to reflect on what aspects of your life need more attention and what needs to be let go.
Do you remember the last time you gave yourself permission to slow down and savor life? What's stopping you from doing that more often?
Think about the dreams and passions you've set aside in the hustle of life. What would it mean for you to reconnect with those lost parts of yourself?
Reflect on your personal 'Life Dashboard'. What percentages would you assign to Work, Money, Love, Health, and Play in your life right now?
In the hustle for success, what parts of yourself have you neglected? How can you start to bring balance back into your life?
Are you nurturing your relationships as much as your career? Take a moment to contemplate the last time you prioritized your loved ones or your own wellbeing to overwork.
Ask yourself: If you could redesign your life without the constraints of constant hustle, what would it look like? What steps can you take today to move closer to that vision?
The Unlearn & Relearn Framework
There are four mistakes to stop doing and four things to embrace from high performers who have designed a balanced and fulfilling life while creating a massive impact without the hustle mentality.
4 Mistakes To Stop Doing Today:
Mistaking Busyness for Productivity.
Productivity is so much more than our narrow thinking of it.
Concentrate on a few priorities that make the most significant impact. Instead of doing more, do less but focus on what moves the needle the most. Being able to rest without feeling guilt and shame is a powerful skill. It doesn't come easy to Type-A personalities. That's why I reach out to things that put me in flow and mentally detach from my work.
Following the Standard Formula for Success.
Unlearn how to achieve success by checking in with how you feel. The body doesn't lie. Your internal state determines your level of success. Do you feel tense, overwhelmed, or anxious? Or do you feel light, at ease, and energized? Do more things that energize you, and you will be more effective at work while living a fulfilling life. Focus on your interests and values and what makes you unique and different. When you do, you achieve mastery, all with the inner power of internal motivation.
Not Understanding the True Tradeoffs.
Every yes to something means saying no to something else. Health, relationships, and fun get sacrificed to get more done.
Be crystal clear about your priorities and the consequences that come with them.
Not Exercising Your Freedom of Choice.
Where to focus your energy and time is up to you.
Actively challenge and redefine your 'Shoulds': Ask yourself, 'Is this choice based on my authentic desires and values, or is it shaped by external expectations and limitations?' Make a conscious effort to choose actions that align with your genuine aspirations, interests, and values, leading to a more authentic and fulfilling path.
4 Things to Embrace:
Being True to Yourself.
Knowing your essence, your authentic self, answering the question, “Who am I?". Being honest with yourself about what you enjoy. Living your truth.
Your interests and values create internal motivation and sustainable energy. Engineer your life based on these Inner Motivations leading to passion, purpose, mastery, and fulfillment.
Know yourself, what you value, and what interests you, and lean into that.
Regularly checking in with yourself to ensure your actions and choices reflect your true self. Having the audacity to be you.
You can choose and pursue what brings you fulfillment—and own your life.
Embrace the Space.
Embrace the Power of Downtime: Acknowledge that constant availability can lead to burnout and reduced effectiveness. Valuing downtime is crucial for rejuvenation, creativity, and work effectiveness.
You are scheduling Regular 'Off-Grid' Periods. Deliberately block out times in your calendar when you are unreachable for work-related matters, avoiding the temptation to fill every moment with busy activity. Use this time instead to do what feels good - be it a hobby, exercise, reading, spending uninterrupted time with family and friends, or doing deep work and thinking.
Initiate 'No Meeting' Days.
Fewer meetings are suitable for deep work and reclaiming time.
Establish specific days with zero meetings. Use these as uninterrupted periods for deep work, strategic planning, or a day off. It may change your life.
Create an identity in the "Other" World.
Have an identity outside of work. Pursue things that fully engage your attention and mentally disconnect you from work. It's not what you do; it's how you do it. Presence, deep engagement, and enjoyment lead to mastery and fulfillment. You feel your flow by having an identity outside of what you do for a living.
A Word of Caution.
Doing it alone can take years, even decades. It's tough to do these things alone. This is why it's easier to do it together.
Having a community is vital to ensure that habits and skills stick.
Join us.